You told me,
What was yours was mine too..
But today,
I realized it wasn't like that.
I felt sorry for my cold hands,
for it was YOUR hands
that was in your POCKET, not mine!
We kissed. It wasn't the kiss that I'd imagined it would be.
It wasn't the ever-long stretching of two lips, or the closed eyes intimacy.
To US, It was spontaneous yet we knew it was coming.
That spur-of-the-moment.
The kiss that was so soft.
The kiss that was telling me that its going to be okay,
that we are going to be fine and everything will be alright.
The kiss that took 4 long years to happen.
That kiss whenever I think of, bring this smile on my face.
The kiss that made me feel warm and feel taken, taken by you.
The kiss that made us realize that we were not just best-friends but more than that.
The kiss that bond us even near, even closer.
The kiss that is to remind us of all the goodtimes we had, the badtimes we faced, the mess we overcame the beautiful moments we cherished and the lovelier lovey days we will live in days to come.
He said,
"I couldn't sleep all night long"
What he didn't know
that I was awake too
that I was wondering about him
wondering about us,
and how are we going to be.
He said,
"I couldn't sleep all night long"
For only god knows
My eyes were wide open,
My mind couldn't stop
Thinking of him
Thinking of us,
and how are we going to be.
He said,
"I couldn't sleep all night long"
How would he know;
There was me in a corner
in my own world
an insomniac, a romantic
wishing for him,
wishing for us,
and how TOGETHER we are going to be.
I already started missing you as soon as the news came out,
I already started missing you when I saw you stare and mourn.
I already started missing you when you came and hugged me tight.
I already started missing you when you looked me into my eyes
and said everything's gonna be alright!!!
Friday, October 26, 2012
And I am one jealous freak.
I don't like being compared.
I don't like it being an option.
I don't like wearing the uglier heels.
I don't like the state of being left alone.
I don't like you with others.
Because I like you.
And I know you like me too.
Lets just stop the drama
and bind together, should we?
I Want to kiss you so hard, yet so soft. I want it to be the type of kiss that leaves both of us breathless and lightheaded. The type that makes us look into each other’s eyes in disbelief afterwards. Then smile because we did. I don’t mind where it happens , in my place, outside your gate, in the streets, under the warm cosy blanket :P, in private or surrounded by hundreds of people. I just need to feel those lips on mine because they’ve given me the best conversations of my life.
Since we’ll be going our separate ways soon and that I am surely going to miss you.
And that we’re both twenty and we don’t need any parental consent.
Just do this with me while we have the chance, no regrets.
Yes or yes??
You laid down with me
right by my side..
you told me no lies...
with nothing to hide..
I swear I felt so good..
you should have known..
but how would you know,
my happiness wasn't shown!
My happiness without expressions;
My smile without emotions;
You rose in me without my notice
and then you suddenly VANISHED
I could still feel your hands,
closely entangled with mine
I could still feel the warmth
and the love that followed down the line.
I curse my clumsiness
I failed to let you know how I felt
I curse my stupidity
I really not know how to act
The nearness of your lips
almost touched mine;
we almost made love..
we ALMOST made love!
We smiled.
We cuddled.
We loved!
We, you and I!
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
We are never meant to be together. I think so.
This is the worst feeling to know that both of us love each-other but there is noway we can be together.
How sad is that?
And how sad it is to know that, with each step towards fulfilling our desires, our love, we are one step closer to breaking a lot of people's heart.
This is true! You must be thinking this is weird but I agree, this is weird.
The whole situation here is weird. And sometimes even I fail to understand my own state and a-midst the whole yin-yang, I forget if this is the real me..
Well, well, well!
I am in a part of my life where I am actually starting to think for my own. Its just useless you know, taking time to think about what others will think of you.
I've started to find happiness within me and that's a beautiful feeling to not find pleasure in others. This is what keeps me safe and sound even when the rest of the world is not with me.
I am just too content in my own world.
Au revoir!
Saturday, September 22, 2012
and everytime, when he writes love poems,
I instantly relate it to me.
and when his words don't make any sense,
I stuck and wonder, who could it be??
You can't sleep?
me either.
Lets can't sleep together! :-D
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
And everytime we meet,
you leave me with confused feelings.
You don't fail to let me feel
that my feelings sowing inside for you
is an intentional mistake;
is the biggest regret m making.
You sadden me,
You make me feel like a loser;
You make me feel like
I don't deserve what my heart seeks for;
Yes You' You sadden me!!
I am leaving it all up to tomorrow.
I will talk to him;
There won't be any confusions
No more dramas from tomorrow.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
This feeling isn't beautiful.
Its traumatizing.
You shower me with happiness
but within, fill me with misery.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
I don't understand what the problem is.
well' actually I do. I can't pretend to not know what I really know. Because I know it and that's the saddest and the most difficult part here.
I don't really love me.
And thats how I understand, You don't either!
The room was too quiet.
Perhaps, my thoughts were too loud!!
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Yup he is your best friend and even if you have some deep thoughts then you can talk directly to him. That's the best part of falling in love with your best friend!
The thing I fail to say, I opt to write. I wrote to my friend today mentioning how much I missed her too.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
The fact that I know I can do it, I chose to stand still.
He loves me, I still chose to stand still.
I love him back, I stand still.
She backstabbed me, I stood still.
It isn't still late, yet I stand still.
But not anymore, I will stand up and walk
I will move on
After all, I have perfect legs
to stand on!!
Friday, June 29, 2012
It is said that our lives are worthless.
They pass in an instant like the roses wither.
It is said that time which whispers is a perversion for our griefs.
It make layers, still someone told me.
That you still love me,
Someone told me that you have loved me.
Is that still possible??
It is said that destiny mocks us
That it promised everything and gives nothing
It seems that happiness is carried in the hand.
When you stretch the hand and find madness
Still someone told me...
But who told me that you love me?
I no longer remember, it was late at night.
I still hear the voice, but I no longer see the face.
"He loves you, it is a secret, he did not say that I should tell you.
You see, someone told me.
That you still love me, someone truly told me...
That you still love me, is that possible?? It is said that our lives are worthless.
They pass in an instant like the roses wither. It is said that time which whispers in perversion for our griefs. They make layers, someone told me That from our sadness, layers are made;
Still someone told me.
and I just came to know that I tend to write more whenever I am mad, sad.
the saddest kind of love is..
when you know you both love eachother yet find noway to be together.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
arrrrrrggggg.
Couldn't hold back the tears.
:'(
I hate everything atm!
I am proved wrong.AGAIN.
She was never a good person. Not a good friend at least.
She is a cheat.Heartbreaker.not worth the trust.
She is a total fake.
She was a part of my life.NOT anymore.
I screw you outta my sight, outta my mind.
The previous day I tweeted "Love has no age, no race, no color, no gender" and there goes one of my tweeple tweeted back saying "It has nothing, its just too overrated"
Now, I think terming love as overrated is actually OVERRATED. Besides, why only love, there are tons of other things that are overrated..For instance------
Garden of dreams in thamel?
Value of stars...
mind games is overrated..
winning is overrated...
korean fashion....
professional competitions are OV..
The fire and ice pizza is overrated...
Dmarg is overrated... hop in patan, bhaktapur, basantpur! you'll witness the real beauty.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Car is parked, bags are packed but what kind of heart doesn't look back?
I am seriously hating every single moment right now.
I don't have a life.
I don't have friends whom I feel friends with.
I don't have a job.
I don't have money to buy new shoes.
I don't have an identity.
I don't have any place to go.
I don't have the smile I used to have!
So, like really, is first love unforgettable??
Its his first love, happens...I heard people saying this and I could try to understand the situation here,.. but Hello' life is too short to be living with the thought of first love, ain't it??
especially when your first love turned out to be a cheat,
when your first love took you for granted,
when your first love used you as an entertainment,
when your first love dumped you because she has started to like your brother,
when your first love brought this barrier between u and your best friend,
when your first love gave you a pinch of bliss and a handful of frustrations,
when your first love NEVER REALLY LOVED YOU AT ALL....
Would you still think of your first love?? Would you still care to miss her??
Love is weird, I tell you!!
At this moment,
if I had this superpower that'd make me SuperHuman..
I'd wish to be able to blow a cool chill wind on this man's face... facing infront of me, sitting inside the same tempo, the scorching sun must be the reason behind his sweaty face. Not have I noticed until he took out a small piece of cloth *hanky* and wiped his face but the sweats, kept dropping!!
I wished I were a superhuman that time! ;(
A baby is home, a new puppy, a new member of our family.
We aren't 4 now. we are 5 members.
and the very morning I felt him, on my pillow, sleeping right next to me!
it seems we will share a special bond together ^_________^
"Do you still love her?" I could never ask you that.. How can anyone stop loving someone that they have been in love with ?? I don't think I was ever able to or will be able to. Is that sad or Is that good?? I guess that's confusing... for me at-least. I don't know. I feel like, everytime I try gather up my guts and raise you the question, I end up getting failed. I fail.. I don't see a reason here...I can't seem to blame your smile,or the way you put your hands on your hair and style it back-and-forth or how you look into my eyes and say "I missed seeing you"...
I am left with no other option but to fall in love again..
High above the ground Up there in the hill From where we shall see the world and above us, would be the glittering stars.
The moon smiling bright You and I, will sit on the rock With your hand around my waist and my arm around your neck With only lights of stars we'll sit there in the dark.
The night you've dreamt and the moment I've imagined with the cold breeze that surrounds The night so calm
The touch to make us warm We'll talk about the love we'll hear a song of love I'll hear your heartbeat and make you hear mine.
We'll leave the land and fly above We'll kiss and make love!!
In every relationship, there's always the BOY, the GIRL, the EX who's jealous and the FRIEND who secretly wants it to end! :/
For me, when I picture the person I want to end up with, I don't think about what their career is, or what they look like. I picture the feeling iGet when iAm with them.
So, is it true like...hmm... you have more feelings for someone whom you have kissed before than this someone whom you are wanting to date?? khai.. iHaven't been able to pen down the exact state here.. :/
wat really happened on 4th may? wat did I do on this day? I quite don't remember....
First thing' I didn't go class lol.. blame my excessive love for the thing called *sleep* and yes' I was whole day using internet. boring.. I know right!!
went to P. dd's place to see her new born baby. and the baby is just the photocopy of the husband...eerrkk..which I really wasn't wanting... but kids' they are always lovely! Had a pretty time with the kids and yes, my best friend called me up saying he's waiting right outside my place. So, we were home, talking, fighting, pulling each other's leg, what not? we always fight..
and while I was away for the evening walk, he'd left cake at my place. thats a bit cute but I don't like cake, he knows that... he could have got me something else' like...pizza :-D lol yes' this is it.. bye for now
I welcome May month with a pure heart and a hopeful hope that it will be kind to me!
iDon't hope BIG. Just let no obstacles come my way. Make my each day pass with a smile and with love that's true and heartening.
and from today, actually from yesterday 1st may, iWill post something, like anything happened till 30th may (My birthday) I want these 30 days to be very good days. seriously speaking, I don't wanna turn old iSwear. I am having this nightmare of turning older and i really don't want that.. no wonder I just hid my birthdate in my facebook account so that noone sees plus iDon't want facebook to go "say happy birthday to ..... " iHate fake wishes!!! If someone knows it, iWill be wished.. if no wish, iDon't care. infact iWould be happy that noone remembers my birthday and that they won't know i am getting old. oh dyam' time does run fast. I am already 20 arggggg..and iFeel so old! :S *D.E.S.P.A.I.R*
so' he and I, were sitting by the this place, watching people pass by, some staring at us and then taking their way, stray dogs and what not. We both love this evening walk and iLove it more when he's there to accompany me. We were there, sitted on that bench, enjoying the view and me telling him how beautiful the sky is. Then our conversation started.. Actually, he is my best friend, whom iConsider my other half and he says iAm his soul. How dramatic right?? but its true =D
There are gazillions of things between us that we share and that night, out of nowhere iSaid..
We both should start seeing someone. You should date her *recently there's this girl who's hitting on him* and likewise iWill too. Wat?- Shrieked HE. Yes! its high time we should. We can't go on like this. We are best of friends but at the end of the day, we need someone who's more than a best friend, right?
He got up from where he was sitting, stood right infront of me and asked, " Won't you feel jealous if iGo out on a date?" A pause and a bit hesitant this time, iSaid "hmm...NOUU why would I?" *but inside all iWanted to say was YES Yes, ofcos iWould feel jealous*
HIM: really? But iWouldn't like it if you date that guy. I feel jealousy within me when you were talking to me about him. iDon't know who he is but iHate him.
and there was silence.. and for the ever first time, iLoved this SILENCE between us!
FRIDAY, APRIL 20, 2012
unlike the other days,
iBegan the conversation this time, still with the small hope that you'd say hi first..
iWaited.. and waited.. but no startups.. iHad to go "there?"
Him: yup, how are you?
Me: Now iAm good *trying to act cheesy*
Him: had dinner?
Me: NO..
and silence!!!!
unlike the other days,
I began the conversation this time, still with the small hope that you'd say hi first.. I waited.. and waited.. but no startups.. I had to go "there?"
Him: yup, how are you?
Me: Now I am good *trying to act cheesy*
Him: had dinner?
Me: NO..
This is weird. iJust couldn't come up with a title for this post. There are just too many things running in my mind and iKnow there's no point in writing them here. Will iFeel better?? iDon't know.. Will my confusions be solved??Hell NOO.. blogspot donot help us with the counselling.. does it??
dyam' iHave gone blank :/
but yes' one thing for sure' you are on my mind!
Why is anonymous blogging so effin difficult? :/
i am having to create a new account ...argg...
